I think over the last year I’ve been on all different types of dates, everything from blind dates, dates from apps and just dirty sleazy willy out dates. But in 2017 the biggest dating pool seems to be on TV, so I’m going to dip my toe in.

I’m no way thinking of Love Island style show ect, I can imagine the anxiety and self consciousness I’d have going on Love Island in a pair of skimpy shorts, as much as I would be working it lol.  So what else is there? Well Blind Date isn’t looking so far, nor is Dinner Date on ITV2, which works for me because what would I cook?


There is this awful show on ITV called dress to impress or something like that, the aim of the show is dress an unknown person you could possibly go on a date with. I’ve seen 4 people I know so far on this show all of them fame hungry people that would gladly eat Cher’s shit just get on TV.

First Dates has been a big hit on Channel 4 over the last few years, it has a really simple and nice format, and to it’s credit seems to pair the people up quite well. But its like most shows you do have the horror stories! So this is me applying for the shows and I’m taking Elaine with me 🙂

So its a basic application you have to input the usual information about yourself, I’m male my date of birth ect, then I started to think of what could go wrong lol. Can you imagine sitting there on live TV and you get some nut case that just leaves! Not sure how I would deal with that.

Then we get to the point you have to sell yourself in 250 words, I hate these things lol So I put,

“I’m confident, easy going gay guy living in Brighton. I am a really social person I enjoy going out with my mates and having it large at the weekend. But I’m also a big geek and go crazy for Star Wars and Doctor Who. I really believe in being myself, I think in my mid 30s I cant be arsed to pretend to be something I’m not. I like to be active, I used to weigh 27 stone and have lost 11 stone and suddenly I’m loving my life and the gym! I’m a happy preppy bear.”

Elaine is having trouble trying to describe herself too, I said “put mummy type looking for a boy to suckle me!” but she didn’t go for that. But it can be daunting like many apps we have to sell yourself in a limited amount of words and you don’t want to sound desperate. Like that’s never happened to any of us. But she put,

“I’m an independent girl, that is easy going, bubbly and fun. I love to travel and explore new places. I’m a bit of a foodie and enjoy dining out. I’m sick of being the mother hen and an emotional fluffer to men. Its about time I meet someone who values me for who I am. I want to meet my penguin.”


Make a short video!

I knew this was coming from looking at the application before hand, but why is this the most nervous thing ever. Suddenly instead of being billy big bollocks that I am, I all of a  sudden gone all shy I’m feeling very nervous, and Elaine isn’t helping me. Give me ideas woman.

Ok so what do I say in these videos? My name where I come from, I mean what do you say? Plus you want to make sure you look good, and sound ok. I seemed to repeat myself about 3 times! But fuck it, its done – don’t laugh.

So what is the worst that could happen? Elaine is more worried if she gets that call she will develop a huge spot and be laughed at on TV, if that’s the worst that could happen then you’d never leave your house again. I’ve watched the show over the years and there have been some really sweet couples, and there have been some not so sweet. So I think the trick is – don’t be the cunt. I am 100% looking to meet someone, but I’m not a bastard like some of these people. Oh my god have these people forgot they are being filmed for TV?

There is one very media savaged gay episode of First Dates I would love to bring up, but to be honest I cant stand the cunt that was on it, and I don’t want to give him any sort of exposure on my blog, nooooooooooooooooooo thank you.


But that’s it my application is done and its out there! Who knows nothing might happen, but it was great to spend an evening with your friend thinking what you could put on such an application. Its also given me ideas of when I start vlogging on YouTube next year.

These sort of things do have a happy ending though, the video below gives me hope.



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