GAY

WHAT NOT TO DO ON A FIRST DATE

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Recently I was bored on a day off, and thought I would see what was about on grindr. I did have pre arranged plans with another guy for the day, but to be honest I was home, bored and horny so I wanted to get something a bit more sooner. So I looked at who was around, the usual app behaviour kick in at this point, scanning the squares looking for some fun. Sometimes app hunting turns into a game, and usually I get bored.

Then I was messaged by a blank profile, now when this happens I usually ignore it, but the guy sent a few pics upfront so was ok. He was cute, but then I saw he was 18!!! I don’t usually shop in the juniors but I thought fuck it why not. He was eager and was on route within minutes, so I just went with it. I’ll be honest I did think if it was rubbish I’d just get someone else round after.

I could remember recently watching one of the new episodes of Will And Grace and seeing Will dealing with a much younger gay, and suddenly I thought what have I let myself in for. But it was all good, he arrived like a eager puppy and we just went for it, apart from noticed part way through how wet my body was? It wasn’t too a little later I noticed how wet his face was? What was going on?

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It wasn’t until he tried to kiss me with so much gob, flem and more then I realised where the water was leaking from. I’m not exaggerating at all here, you know its a problem when you have to bury his face on your dick just to discreetly dry his mouth.

Afterwards I attempted to have a conversation with the lad, then suddenly like in Will And Grace the age difference really started to show. He still lived with his parents, he didn’t have a clue who Bananarama was, and the height of his weekend was the X Factor final. All in all it was a good experience but I’ll leave the drooling pups to someone else now.

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At some point when you start dating someone, your eventually going to go to a restaurant or eat dinner together. To be honest I don’t mind a dinner date, but I try and wait till the 3rd date or so for this. The last thing you want is to go for dinner with someone and you cant talk to each other, been there done that, should of saved the money.

I like meat! Not just man meat, but eating meat is part of my diet and I’m happy with it. Recently I met a guy out in Legend’s in Brighton, he was nice good looking ect, we swapped numbers on the dance floor after a smooch and feel up. We started chatting over the next week or so, until we hit a problem. He suggested we should meet up for some food, and I agreed, but then he told me he was a vegan. To me that’s not a problem at all, but its really difficult then to find a place you can both agree on.

We both bounced different places to go off each other with little success, and I could tell he was getting a bit pissed off. Then he just came out with it and basically said ” look will it hurt you to have a meal that isn’t meat?” now can I be annoyed by this comment?  As a meat eater or a carnivore, am I the bad person here?

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No I’m fucking not! He started to get more and more annoyed then basically said he can’t date a meat eater! As far as I was concerned I had not done anything wrong, its not like I said to him “Can’t you just eat meat and stop being a princess!” At this point I was getting a never ending of list on why eating meat is wrong, that was it I was out of there.  Blocked! If he had such a problem with tasting a living animal, he shouldn’t of licked his fingers after tugging my dick that time 🙂

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Now the last tale for this blog, believe me I saved the best till last. I went on my first date with a guy from Chappy a month ago, after chatting we seemed to have something in common so we went for a drink. The date went really well, we even went to dinner after, and that went really well. So at this point it was possibly one of the best dates I had this year.

We moved on to a little pub in Hove, and I could tell he was getting a bit tipsy, I was pacing myself because I didn’t want to look like a tit. But alas he wasn’t following my lead, we would be chatting then all of a sudden he screamed in my face the chorus to Destiny’s Child Survivor and then headed to the middle of the floor for a little dance. He did this twice more during the evening. I’ve told my friends about this, and I’m told I do something similar when Britney comes on lol. He also left me to go have cigarettes outside twenty minutes at a time.

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By the end of the date he was very drunk telling me we should go back to his so I could fuck his brains out, at this point I had lost all interest and thought why not, I wasn’t going to be seeing him again after this. But this is where it gets worse!

His flat was very small so everything lead off the front room, he told me to sit on sofa as he went to the loo. I did notice he left the door open, thinking he’s just gone for a piss. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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To my horror the guy had sat down and started to have a full on shit, in front of me! And if I hadn’t turned my head, I would of smelt, heard and seen this. What the fuck is wrong with people? How is this ok? Did he really think I was going fuck him after he tipped out? What part of me or my profile suggested I would be ok with this?

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I left very quickly and rushed home, I felt dirty after this, how dare someone have a shit in front of me. I can forgive a lot in people, but having a shit in my presence no fucking way. Strangely after this night he messaged me a few times to arrange a second date, but it was a no from me!

So that was it for dating in 2017, what can I say from beginning the year with the “Freeze your spunk guy” to a guy having a shit in front of me. Yes I’m single, but to be honest I’m very happy with this year. Enough said.

Darren Goodwin

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